I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
