do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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