hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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