So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
