Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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