im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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