What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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