I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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