I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
