did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
