Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
