he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
