Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
