why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
