she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
