you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
