Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
