so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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