$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
