i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
PANTIES FOUND
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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