you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
