The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
