i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All the doctor said was why
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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