I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
