Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I need to calm my uterus...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
