he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
