Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
