i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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