loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
