You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
