Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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