Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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