Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
