So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
