her vagine was all disorganized.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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