She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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