I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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