just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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