I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I want a musical about memes.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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