please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
