Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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