I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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