Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Michael Bay diarrhea
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
