a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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