Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
