his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
