thus making me awesome and them whores
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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