I hate your face
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
