Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
