Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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