how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
