I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
