i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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