I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
