I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
